The Unexpected Visitor
by CSIGeekFan
Summary: A visitor shows up in the lab, asking to speak to Grissom about Sara.
1. Unexpected Visitor

A/N - For those who started reading a version of this story earlier... it's completely changed. The premise is the same, but I really didn't like where it was going, and who all was involved, so I'm re-writing it. Thank you for your patience.

Please Read and Review

Disclaimer: The usual

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When Grissom walked into CSI headquarters, he was tired. Well into his second straight month of pulling doubles and triples, fatigue was etched into all of him. Pulling off his sunglasses, his head lowered, he rubbed his eyes as he made his way to his office. Later, he racked it up to sheer exhaustion that he hadn't seen the woman in the lobby, or heard Judy hail him from the reception desk.

Catching up to him, Judy called out, "Mr. Grissom." Once she had his attention, she said, "You have a visitor, sir."

Following Judy back to the lobby, he looked over at the only person seated.

"She's been waiting for hours," Judy explained before returning to her post.

Grissom crouched next to the slim woman, who sat sound asleep in the uncomfortable plastic chairs. Long blond hair obscured the woman's face, but not enough to hide the slender cheekbones. As he touched her knee, he watched her lids flutter open to reveal pale green eyes.

"Hi," he quietly said, "I'm Gil Grissom. Are you waiting for me?"

"Yes," she mumbled, then sat up suddenly, her eyes opening wide.

"Wow," she laughed, "I didn't actually plan on falling asleep."

Standing, Grissom held out his hand to help the woman up from her seat.

"Is there someplace we can speak privately?" she asked.

"Please, come with me," Grissom said, and walked with her to his office, where he offered her a chair facing his desk.

While he walked around his desk, he asked, "How can I help you… "

"Hunter," she supplied. "April Hunter."

Quizzically he looked at her, tilting his head. "Your name sounds familiar."

Smiling, she replied, "My husband is Mike Hunter – Sara Sidle's brother."

Grissom fell back into his chair, like he'd been slammed in the chest. Suddenly, the weariness fell away, and every nerve ending stood on end, making him wary.

"How can I help you?" he asked, his muscles tensing and folding his arms in front of his chest.

April remembered clearly how it had felt…

"For me, it was the always feeling cold that bothered me the most," she said, smiling sadly at the man across from her. "The general ache I could live with, but always feeling that deep seated cold at the core of me is what I've never been able to handle."

Impatiently, Grissom started to stand.

"Mrs. Hunter," he began, only to be interrupted.

"It's April," she informed him. "Just like I know you go by Grissom – Sara told me that."

"She's staying with us," April said, "on our ranch."

Dropping back into his chair, Grissom ran his hand over his face. Suddenly, the last month's lack of sleep began to overpower him.

"Hey," she said, gripping onto his hand, as Grissom's face turned ashen. "You don't look very well." At that particular moment, he didn't feel very well, either.

"Why are you here?" he asked, although he hadn't meant to sound so gruff.

"I've been where you are," April told him. "I know what it's like to be the one left behind. I came here, because I'm hoping you love her half as much as she loves you. I'm hoping you love her half as much as I love my husband."

"I don't know what I feel at the moment, except that it hurts," Grissom murmured into his hand, as he scrubbed it over his face.

"Mike and Sara came from the same place. They may not be related by blood, but there are brother and sister to each other, regardless," April stated.

"I know," Grissom replied.

"Grissom," April said, gently, "I've been married to Mike for nearly sixteen years. I know he loves me more than anything. However, I also know that the very nature of the system he grew up in did not foster consistency or love."

Her eyes misting, she continued, "Someone convinced Mike and Sara early on that they weren't _worth_ loving. It's something they've had to fight their entire lives. Even after all our years together, some days Mike feels like he's an outsider, and it makes me ache."

"So I have a simple question. Do you love Sara?" April asked.

Barking a mirthless laugh, Grissom replied, "How can loving her _possibly_ be simple?"

"I never said loving her was simple. But the question is. Do you love her?" April asked again.

"Yeah," he replied, a note of resignation in his voice. "Any choice I had in the matter was taken from me the day I met her."

"Then the real question – the hard one – is do you love her enough to work for the happiness? I don't mean typical relationship work – I mean struggle hard, especially up front, convincing her you love her so much you need her and won't give up on her."

There was only one answer Grissom could possibly give.

"Yes."

With a satisfied sigh and a sense of relief, April leaned back in her chair and smiled at the man across from her.

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear that," April informed him. "I needed to make sure that our instincts are right – that you are who she belongs with."

Frowning, she continued, "Sara's really not well, right now. I've never seen her… defeated before. It's a look I remember from a long time ago from Mike."

As if on cue, April's cell phone rang and she saw her home phone number pop up on the screen. Her brow furrowed, because Mike always called from his own cell, she answered. "Hello?"

Grissom could hear a high-pitched voice take off like a bolt of lightning on the other end, running at least a hundred miles an hour, and smiled. April smiled, and began answering rapid-fire questions with, "Yes. No. No. No. Are you out of your mind? No. Yes, as long as you don't blow anything up."

When the voice on the other end continued arguing, the stern look Grissom figured every mother perfected came down over her face and she sternly said, "Put Aunt Sara on the line. Now!"

At her name, Grissom's senses went on high alert.

"Sara," April said, "I have a feeling the heathens are up to something today, with Mike in the field and me at this conference. You really need to be on red alert today. And what did Caleb mean when he said not to worry about the smoke?"

Knowing it was rude, he tried as hard as possible to hear her voice. He didn't care what she said, so long as he heard the husky silkiness of her tone. However, Sara spoke too softly.

After hanging up, April turned back to Grissom, and found that familiar eagerness in his eyes that she once felt.

Laying her hand back across his, April said, "Be happy in knowing she's safe, at least physically. She's in my home, being Aunt Sara for the first time in a long time. Right now, she's letting someone else take care of her – another first in a long time."

"Mike's trying to find a way to guide her back to where she needs to be," she said to Grissom. "If anyone can do it, he can."

"I still don't understand one thing," Grissom said. "What are _you_ doing _here_?"

Smiling at him, April replied, "That's easy. While Mike is guiding Sara, I'm here to guide _you_."

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A/N - Please review


	2. Getting Started

A/N – Please read and review.

Disclaimer: Same as always. I'm sure you can figure it out.

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Sara – Phase I

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Sara sat at the kitchen table, smoke pouring out of the skillet, the rancid smell of burning bacon fried into the very fiber of the cast iron. Inhaling deep against a sob, Sara laid her head down on the table, and felt the tears slowly trace across her nose and land on the table. That's how Mike found her ten minutes later.

"Hey, kid," he said, pushing her hair back over her ear. "What's with the water works?"

"I'm just an idiot," she sniffed, and wiped her eyes with her arm.

"Please, tell me it's not over burnt bacon. Otherwise, I would have already had to build a dam because of my own cooking," he joked.

Shaking her head, Sara retrieved another skillet and opened the refrigerator, trying to find something to cook.

"Sara, you do know we live in modern times," Mike said. "The kids can eat cereal."

With a sigh, she closed the fridge, put the skillet back, and smiled at her older brother.

"It's probably more edible than anything I could make," Sara conceded.

"Listen, I'll get the cereal out for the kids, if you'll make some coffee," Mike offered, and watched her nod in agreement. Within ten minutes, the kitchen was bustling, as five children between the ages of two and fourteen sat around the table, loudly eating.

Sara loved this time of the morning. She enjoyed watching Caleb, the oldest, help Daniel, the youngest get some cereal into his mouth instead of on the floor. The liked to watch Sarabeth open a book in front of her while she ate. Gabriel and Seth usually had a shouting match going within seconds of sitting down.

It took thirty minutes from the time they emerged for each of the kids to be out the door – the four oldest to school, and the youngest to the care of the housekeeper, now that April was out of town. Sara would have loved to watch out for little Danny, but with her limited experience, it wasn't realistic.

Mike leaned against the counter, and watched the myriad of emotions play across his sister's face. It was like looking in a mirror – one that had been warped to take him back in time. Only this time, he could see it a little more objectively, with age and experience leading the way, instead of the raw fear and pain he'd felt all those years ago when he'd walked out on his wife and child.

"Sara," he said, "you offered to help out the other day. Is that offer still open?"

Smiling, she replied, "Absolutely. I feel guilty most days, with you and April working so hard, and me doing nothing."

"Great," he said. "Meet me out at the barn in fifteen minutes. Wear work clothes."

After changing, Sara made her way out to meet Mike. She'd discovered a long time ago that she loved hanging out in the barn. Her brother and his wife raised horses – not racers, but good, solid working horses. It being a farm, they raised other creatures, but Sara had gotten pretty good at ignoring the chickens and pigs. She really loved being out with those big beautiful horses, though.

"Okay, Mike, what do you want me to do?" Sara asked.

"I'd like you to muck out the stalls first. Then lay down a nice layer of straw in each," Mike said, handing her a wheelbarrow with a pitchfork in the bucket.

"I'll be in the corral," he said, giving her a salute and walking outside into the crisp early morning.

As soon as he rounded the corner, he pulled out his cell phone to call his wife. While he waited for her to answer, he thought to himself how far he and his wife had come these past years.

"Hey, baby," he said, smiling, when April answered the phone. "Have I told you how amazingly lucky I am to have you in my life?"

"Not today," she replied, seductively. "But you can certainly show me in two days when I get home."

His tone dropping, become somber, Mike said, "There are days I wake up and can't believe the gifts I've been given in my life. Twenty years ago, I didn't know it could be this way."

Then softly, he added, "Thank you."

He heard the soft sigh on the other end of the line.

"This is hard for you to watch, isn't it Mike?" April asked.

"Yeah," he replied. "It is hard. It scares me, because I'm going to have to see it all again – see what I did to you again."

"I don't know how you forgave me," Mike added in a whisper.

"Not easily," April replied in her own whisper. "Remember, it took time for both of us to heal, and we had a child between us at the time. Caleb took a share of that pain, too."

"Tell me about the first phase," April demanded, all business.

Laughing, Mike entered the corral and sat up on the fence.

"I've got her cleaning out all the stables. When she's done with that, I'm going to have her rake out the corral."

"Are you trying to torture her?" April laughed.

Chuckling, he responded, "No. However, I think maybe some basic physical work will help clear out a few cobwebs. It'll probably take a couple of weeks to get her to sweat this part out."

When he was met with silence on the other end of the line, he asked, "What are you thinking, sweetheart?"

Her reply made him smile. She said, "That explains all that firewood you chopped early in our marriage, doesn't it."

"I do love you, Mrs. Hunter," he sighed into the phone.

"I love you, too. I'll call you later today." With that, April hung up.

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A/N – Please hit the button and review


	3. Chapter 3

A/N – Here's the third chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Please review. I'd like to get some feedback.

Thanks to jenstog, PigXiaolin101, El Gringo Loco, sprat, and ishotsherlock for the reviews you given me. I appreciate the feedback. And definitely thanks to D.A. who keeps reviewing my work and letting me know if I'm heading down the right track.

Disclaimer: I'm nothing but a slave to the mighty CBS, who owns everything but my mind.

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For the first time since Sara left, Grissom did something out of character – he prepared to leave as soon as shift was over. Nick watched from the end of the hall, surprised, when Grissom picked up his coat, walked out to the lobby, and sat down in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs.

When the blond woman walked in, Nick was equally shocked to see Grissom smile at her, grasp her hand, and lead her out the door. Frowning, he went to the layout room to continue processing his evidence.

"Hey, Nick," Greg said, his head bent over a blood-stained article of clothing.

Nick opened his mouth, closed it again, and then just shook his head. Finally, he said, "Hey, Greg? Do you know what's up with Grissom?"

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The first thing April noticed when she saw Grissom was the clarity of his eyes – the startling blue depths.

Smiling, she commented, "You got some sleep."

"Yes," he replied, and grinned back.

They opted to walk to a café just down the street, and found a quiet booth in the corner. Once settled, their breakfasts ordered, April laid her hand over Grissom's.

"Sara's doing okay today," she smiled at him.

"Good," Grissom replied, surprised at the subtle relief he felt.

When he didn't continue, April quietly said, "When everything went downhill for me, I felt so… exposed."

When Grissom's gaze snapped to her, she recognized the feeling in him, also.

"Even in front of my family and friends, I felt vulnerable and weak – ineffectual," she continued. "I didn't know what to do, and I was so scared."

Nodding sharply, Grissom murmured, "I know what you mean."

"A couple of friends tried to talk to me when Mike left, but…" April said.

"Hold it," Grissom interjected. "Mike left you? Walked out on you?"

"Yeah," April responded, the grief present in her voice. "He left me with a two month old to care for."

Stunned, Grissom sat back in his chair. "He left you, but you imply you have a strong marriage." He shook his head, like he just didn't understand.

"It took me quite awhile to forgive him," April murmured, thinking back to the day her husband walked back into her life after being gone for nearly a year. "I didn't accept him back with open arms – not because I couldn't forgive him for leaving me, but because he left our child."

"I can understand that," Grissom replied.

"However," April continued, her voice stronger, "I also knew that we had to work something out because of Caleb and because we loved each other."

"How could you still love him?" Grissom asked, bewildered by it all.

"I've loved Mike since the day I met him," she responded, a smile growing on her face.

Nodding, Grissom understood the feeling. He remembered his heart turning over and his hands trembling slightly the first time he looked in Sara's eyes and heard that voice.

"Did you know he didn't ask me to marry him until our tenth anniversary?" she laughed. "I told him we were getting married one day – I was nineteen and he was twenty-two."

She pulled up the memory – one of the happiest of her life.

"He had this look on his face," April sighed. "His eyes misted a bit, and he kissed me. He had this expression on his face, like I'd just given him the single most important gift in the world as he said he wanted nothing more than to marry me that minute."

"We got married two weeks later," April laughed. "Mike's not much into tradition, as he's never had much of it in his life. I made him wait two weeks, because I wanted the wedding gown, flowers, and friends there."

"Did you know much about his past before you married him?" Grissom asked.

"A little," she replied. "He didn't often talk about his life before he started working as a ranch hand. That's what he was when we met – a ranch hand. We didn't buy our farm until ten years ago."

"Did you know he grew up in the system, though?"

"Yes," April replied. "It wasn't until we'd been married for a year and I found out I was pregnant that I found out about his father. It was when I started showing that Mike started withdrawing."

"He'd been steadily making sure to spend less and less time with me. He didn't go to doctors appointments, and seemed to have less than zero interest in the life I carried," she said, her eyes pooling. "It hurt so bad some days, I started feeling like I'd done something horrible – like I'd trapped him."

The tears spilled over, and April took a deep, shuddering breath as she wiped the moisture from her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry," Grissom whispered. "You don't need to continue. I don't want you to be upset."

Her smile watery, April replied, "It's okay. I still hurt from it at times, but it's okay to talk about it. It helps to talk about it. It reminds me of how far we've come, and how blessed we are in our life together."

"Okay," she said, smiling at him. "Enough of the water works."

"Tell me about the two of you," she encouraged, leaning into the table towards Grissom.

Surprisingly, he found the words came easily.

"I met her at a conference a couple of years before she came to Las Vegas," Grissom said. "Later, I needed help on an internal issue, and I asked her to come here to do a personnel investigation."

Shrugging, he looked at his coffee cup and said, "I asked her to stay."

"Why did you ask her to stay?" April inquired.

Immediately defensive, Grissom barked, "I asked her to stay because she's the best damn CSI I know – nothing more."

Holding up her hands, April interjected, "Whoa. I'm not implying anything."

"I know," Grissom quietly responded, then sighed, "Sorry. I've heard rumors floating around lately."

He noticed when she winced.

"I take it Mike has a deep-seated problem with rumors and whispers like Sara does?" Grissom asked.

"Oh, yeah," she replied.

"I know the rumors followed Sara while she was in the system. Mike had the same problem. We'd been married for awhile before I found out how he landed in foster care. Mike's father walked in and gunned down everyone at home one day, then shot himself. Mike hadn't been home. The whispers about the murders followed him until he aged out," April explained.

"Can I ask you something?" April requested. "It's extremely personal, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

When he nodded, she whispered, "When you asked her to stay, did part of you just want her near you?"

Immediately after she asked the question, April regretted it. When first thirty second, then sixty seconds passed with no response, she finally figured he was going to outright ignore the question. She was surprised, though.

"If I'm being honest, I think a small part of me craved the connection we'd had at the conference," he said softly, looking at the table. Looking up, he found April's eyes and continued, "It wasn't until she was here that I realized what it was like to actually… feel."

"I can't explain it," Grissom said, looking back down at the table.

Reaching across, April took and squeezed his hand.

"I think you explained it just fine," she smiled at him.

"I'm scared she won't come back," he mumbled. "I feel like I'm numb half the time, and when I do feel, it's nothing but this deep ache at the core of me."

"Like I said yesterday," April stated, "for me it was always feeling cold."

"I've got cold down pat," Grissom replied, a mirthless grin on his face as he looked at April. "Some days, I don't want to wake up, and others I wake up and it feels like I'm living a nightmare."

"I have to leave early tomorrow morning," April said. "I have to go home and make sure no one has burned down the house. I'll be back in a few weeks for a cattle auction."

"Will you come by and see me?" Grissom asked, trying not to sound too desperate.

"Of course," April replied, smiling.

As they prepared to leave, Grissom blurted out, "I said 'Maybe we should get married.' And she said yes."

Walking out of the café, April held his hand, squeezed, and said, "She said it was the happiest moment of her life."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N – Please read and review. It's a very short chapter, but entirely necessary. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: If you don't know by now, you're never going to figure it out.

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Sara wasn't surprised she was the first person up. After so many years of working graveyard, it seemed natural to work in the dark. When the house was quiet, she liked to sip coffee out on the front porch, and feel the brisk winter cold on her face. Thanks to the demanding physical work, her mind was usually numb after hours and hours of mucking out stalls, raking out the corral, and walking the horses in the pasture. The morning seemed to be the only time she dwelled.

"Hey there, sunshine," Mike said, sitting next to her an hour later. "You ready to start another grueling day?"

Smiling, she said, "Yep."

Silently, they sat and watched the fields come to life, as whispers of the sun bent around, giving the blackness of light a hint of shimmer in the pre-dawn hour.

Finally, Mike said, "I walked out on April and Caleb. He was two months old."

Startled, Sara looked at him.

"I was so damn scared," he whispered. "I was so scared I'd do something we'd all regret."

"Like what?" she whispered back, bewildered that she'd never even known this.

"Like take a gun and shoot my family," he replied.

"It turns out the thing I'd do that we'd all regret was leave them," he said, and then walked back into the house. Mike left Sara on the front porch, alone with that thought.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N – Okay, another chapter today. I'm on a roll. PLEASE review. I really appreciate reviews, because it lets me know people actually read this stuff.

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI. Someone more important (ahem – CBS) owns it all, except maybe the ideas in my head.

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"God, I hurt," Sara moaned to the kitchen at large one morning. The sun was already up, which was unusual, because it didn't rise until late during the winter months. Sara usually woke first, but the physical demands of taking on more and more responsibility on the ranch had her asleep by the time her head hit the pillow.

The first thing she spotted was little Danny sitting on the time-out bench, facing the wall.

Rolling her eyes, April whispered, "He's discovered the word no."

Grinning, Sara poured herself a cup of coffee, and waited for the timer to go off.

The minute the bell rang, the two year old flew off the seat, and came flying at his aunt 'Sawa'.

"What're you up to, buddy?" Sara asked, picking the little boy up and nuzzling his neck.

Leaning forward, he whispered loudly yet solemnly, "I say no to mama."

"That's not a good idea, buddy," Sara said. "Mamas don't like to hear no."

"Well, I better think of getting packed," April said, standing up from the table.

"Another conference?" Sara inquired.

"Auction, this time," April told her. "I leave in two days, and I'll be gone for three. Hopefully, I'll bring back a stud and a couple of solid mares."

"That's why she makes the big bucks," Mike said, overhearing part of the conversation as he entered from the back porch.

Laughing, April playfully swatted him before being pulled into a quick kiss.

"Actually," she said, "it's why I'm in charge of the accounts – Mike may know the animals, but I know how to balance supply and demand."

"Hey, Sara," Mike said, and looked at his sister. He'd noticed a few changes about her in the last week. She'd been sleeping more, and looking more rested. He noticed her arms becoming more tone, and the restless energy that usually came in the form of fidgeting wasn't as prevalent as just a few weeks before.

"Do you want to ride the fences with me?" Mike asked.

"Sure," she replied, shrugging. "What do we do?"

The two of them headed out to the barn to saddle up a couple of horses, while Mike explained.

"First, we need to ride along every fence on the property, and take notes on which fences are in need of repair. Once we're done with that, we need to actually take the supplies out to repair or replace."

Smirking, Mike added, "Then we have to give April a full accounting of just how much was spent on the supplies. I might have you keep track of receipts, though."

Laughing, Sara accused, "You lose them, don't you!"

With a mock, exaggerated sigh, Mike replied, "Always."

By nightfall, Sara was exhausted. She'd forgotten just how exhausting it could be to ride a horse all day, especially if you hadn't done so in awhile… or ever. She'd ridden for a couple hours here and there, but never from early morning to evening.

The first day produced a list of supplies, and the second day was spent gathering everything they needed.

April left the third day on an early morning flight. By the time Mike got back, Sara was ready to get going. All the supplies were accounted for, and she was anxious to get to work. During that small span of time she was alone in the quiet house, she found a restlessness in her, and that energy needed release.

By noon, they'd put in three new posts along one section of fence, and were stretching barbed wire. When it snapped, it flew back, and Sara screamed.

"Sara!"

Panicked, Mike ran over to her, just a hundred feet away, and fought through the curled barbs, until he knelt beside his sister. Ignoring him, Sara crawled through the wire to her horse. Wire had wrapped its way around a rear hoof and up the leg. Ignoring the pain in her arm, she carefully grabbed the horse's leg and worked the wire free.

Mike's quick visual scan of Sara showed his primary concern was her upper arm, where the wire was embedded.

"Sara, you need to stop," he said. "I need to take care of you."

Ignoring her brother, she continued examining the horse's legs, making sure no worse wounds were visible. When she was finished, satisfied the horse was okay, she sank back on her knees, shaking with relief.

"Okay, kid. I'm going to take this out," Mike said gently, knowing she wasn't paying attention, and probably not even hearing him. The barb itself had bit through her jacket and half an inch into her upper arm. Not believing in prolonging pain, a quick yank yielded the removal of the wire, and a sudden shocked sob.

Gathering her close, Mike held onto Sara as she curled up and sobbed into his chest. The ache it caused to see her hurting had him closing his eyes, and rocking her, until the sobs turned to hiccups, and the hiccups a little time later to whimpering.

"Let's get you cleaned up, honey," he whispered into her hair, as he lifted her and carried her to his horse. Holding onto her, he mounted and grabbed the reins of her horse. She was asleep, dark circles under her eyes from weeping when they made it back to the barn. Dismounting, he jarred her awake.

"I can walk," Sara mumbled, as he helped her from the horse.

"Let's take a look at how bad it is," Mike said, and led her to the kitchen.

He ended up cutting the sleeve off of her jacket, promising to get her a new one the entire time. The wound itself was nasty, but more puncture than rip, and didn't require stitches. Cleaning it out, he flinched a bit when he touched it with iodine and she sucked in a breath. Once Mike had put a bandage over it, he helped Sara stand and walk to her room.

"You could never physically hurt anyone, Mike," she whispered. "You're an idiot if you think you could."

"Neither could you, Sara," he murmured back, as he left her in the doorway.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N – Please review. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Please insert disclaimer here that prevents me from getting sued

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A particularly nasty triple homicide left Grissom tired and grateful the case was over. For the last three days, everyone had been pulling doubles. He found himself with Nick and Greg in the layout room that evening, putting away the last of the evidence and storing it in the evidence locker, when Judy walked knocked on the door.

"Mr. Grissom? You have a visitor in the lobby," she informed him.

"Thanks, Judy. Could you take April to my office? I think she'll be more comfortable there," Grissom said to the receptionist, then smiled widely.

When Grissom turned back around, it was to the surprised stares of the CSIs.

"What?" he asked, frowning.

"Who's April?" Greg asked, frowning back at him.

"A friend," Grissom replied. Sighing, the heartened mood he felt just moments earlier fled. Leaning back against the light table, he rubbed a hand over his face. After April had left, Grissom had spent a great deal of time thinking about what she'd said to him – what she'd explained to him. The one thing that kept sticking in his mind was the feeling of being exposed – naked – vulnerable around the people he cared about. She'd understood that feeling, yet she could talk about it so easily. He envied that in her.

Making what he felt was a monumental decision in telling them, Grissom looked at the floor and quietly shared, "April is Sara's sister-in-law."

Feeling a bit shaky, he left them to finish closing up the evidence, and headed to his office. Had he looked back, he would have seen their bewildered looks. Instead, he made it to his office in record time. His nerves settled, though, when he saw the blond in his office.

"April, it's good to see you," he said, smiling and rapidly feeling steadier. "I'm glad you're back."

Grasping her hand, he held on for a moment to make her visit more tangible, before letting go.

"I didn't expect to see you here," she laughed. "I know you work nights, but I figured it couldn't hurt to try."

"I'm just getting off," Grissom replied, and asked, "Have you had dinner?"

Greg and Nick watched from the hallway, as Grissom walked out with the pretty blond woman.

"I think _she_ explains why he stopped pulling doubles a few weeks ago," Nick commented, then headed back into the layout room.

Once settled in the same café they'd been to last time, April quickly said, "Please don't worry. Sara's okay, but there was an accident." She relayed the information of Sara's injury that Mike had given her.

"I wasn't sure I was going to tell you," she told Grissom. "However, if something happened to Mike, even something that ended up okay, I'd want to know."

"Thanks," Grissom breathed out.

"That's the worst part, isn't it?" she quietly asked.

At his questioning look, she expanded, "Not being able to help – not being able to fix things for someone you love."

"I told you Mike left," April stated. "What I didn't tell you was that I kicked him out when Caleb was just a couple of months old."

Looking at her hands on the table, she continued, "He was emotionally gone already by then. He spent all of his time working. He wouldn't go anywhere near our child."

Sitting back, she looked at the man across from her and said, "Caleb got very colicky when he was about eight months old. I'd withdrawn… shut everyone out. I was too proud to accept help or even kindness. I don't think I'd slept in days, and I couldn't get the baby to stop crying. I couldn't get him to eat. I wasn't functioning all that well, and for a split second I just wanted Caleb to _shut up_."

Stopping, she searched Grissom's eyes for a reaction, and received a nod to continue.

Her voice dropped when she said, "I would never and could never hurt my child. I think anyone who has ever had a baby can understand that screaming will eventually get to you. However, that instant brought me the revelation of a lifetime."

"Mike was afraid of Caleb and of hurting him, wasn't he?" Grissom asked.

"Yes," April softly replied. "I hadn't understood until that moment that Mike truly felt we were better off without him. I also realized that night that I couldn't keep pushing away everyone that loved me. In the end, I needed my friends to see me through it. I needed the contact with other humans just to stay sane."

"How did Mike end up back in your life?" Grissom asked.

"Caleb had just turned ten months old when he showed up," April said. "I didn't know what to do."

She closed her eyes, and could easily see that day.

"I opened the door. That face I knew so well was looking back at me, but there was something different. There was something in his eyes, and it was different from before."

Opening her own, she looked at Grissom and continued, "There were tears in them. I'd never seen him cry before. When Caleb came crawling over to the door, Mike actually crouched down and started to reach out to him, but drew back. He looked at me and asked permission to touch his son."

Grissom watched tears run down April's face. On a watery sigh, she said, "I told Mike he could pick Caleb up, and he just scooped that baby up into his arms and held him close, like my permission was the best gift he'd ever been given."

"What had changed?" Grissom asked.

"He'd found a way to bury his ghosts," she replied.

Grissom sat straight in his chair and asked, "Did _he_ use those words?"

"Yes," she replied. "He did."

"That's what Sara said in her letter," Grissom explained, then frowned. "She said she's surrounded by them – that they're old friends and that she needs to bury them."

"It's going to take time," April said, gently.

"I just wish there was more I could do," Grissom sighed.

"Take care of yourself," she told him. "And have a little faith – wherever you can find it."

As they left the restaurant and made plans to have lunch in a couple days, Grissom realized he had time enough to catch a few hours sleep.

He actually felt fairly refreshed when he rolled into work that night. The shift seemed to run smooth, with nothing more than a B&E coming in, which Warrick handled. As shift came to a close, Grissom put on his jacket and prepared to head out. Nick was passing him in the hall, and Grissom just didn't feel like going home yet.

"Hey Nick," he called out. Then he did something he'd never done before.

"Do you want to go get a bite to eat?" Grissom asked. He didn't know what he was going to say, or if he'd really say anything at all. However, he'd spent the entire shift thinking about faith, and maybe a bite to eat with Nick was a good place to start.

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A/N – Please review


	7. Chapter 7

A/N – Thanks to everyone who's reviewing. I really appreciate it. This is a short one, but important in the overall scheme of where I'm going.

Please review.

Disclaimer: Again.

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Sara wasn't about to let one small accident stop her from helping Mike finish the fences. The next day, she was ready to go before dawn. By the time Mike joined her, she was awake and prepared to get some work done.

"Are you sure you're okay, Sara?" Mike asked for the third time, as they headed out into the fields.

Laughing, she said, "Mike, stop trying to mother me."

Grinning back, Mike kicked his horse into canter and took off, with Sara following suit.

They day wore on, with the two of them working side-by-side in comfortable silence. Stopping for lunch, they took their first real break for the day.

Halfway through a sandwich, Sara glanced over at Mike a couple of times, then quietly said, "You should've never left them."

Looking over at his sister, he put down his lunch and sat back against a fence post. He'd been waiting for, but dreading this conversation.

"I know," Mike replied.

"They're good for you," she said, looking at the ground.

"I know," he repeated.

For awhile, Sara lost herself in thought. Mike watched her face, as the expressions shifted, giving way from one memory to another.

"Some days, I still wonder if I'm good enough to stand with her instead of behind her," Mike said, finally breaking the thick silence.

Her head snapping around, Sara's brow furrowed as she emphatically stated, "Of course you are!"

"I used to wake up every day and wait for my world to fall apart," he murmured. "Some days, I still do, although not as often."

Standing, he packed the remnants of his lunch in his saddle bag, and mirthlessly laughed, "Some days, I just get pissed no one thought I was worth it when I was a kid."

Reaching down, he pulled a surprised Sara to her feet, and prepared to get back to work.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N – Thanks for the reviews. Keep 'em coming.

Disclaimer: Fill in the blank here

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Another tough shift, and another tough murder – this one consisting of a dead child. Grissom really hated these cases.

"What a useless waste," Catherine said, taking a seat across from Grissom in his office.

"Do you ever just wish…" Grissom started, then left off, shaking his head.

"What?" she queried.

With a deep sigh, Grissom leaned back in his chair and rubbed a hand over his tired face, feeling the fatigue in every movement.

"Do you ever wish you could just shoot these people?" he asked quietly.

Surprised, she responded, "Actually, everyday."

"That little boy didn't deserve what he got," Grissom stated. "The father will probably cut a deal, and end up out of prison sooner than he should be allowed. The little sister – she'll probably end up getting shuffled around. There aren't any relatives to take her. He may as well have just killed her, too."

Alarmed, Catherine sat forward.

"Griss, are you okay?" she asked, softly, concern in every word.

"Why do we do this job?" he asked. "Why bother? No one seems to learn anything."

"Where is this coming from?" she asked.

A joyless smirk, he replied, "I think I'm beginning to understand why Sara left."

Quietly, Catherine contemplated her friend before asking, "Are you thinking of leaving?"

Shaking his head, he whispered, "No."

"I guess I'm trying to see things from a different perspective," he said.

Puzzled, Catherine replied, "Okay."

"I have a hypothetical question," Grissom said. "If you were raised in foster care, spent your life feeling out of place – different – do you think you'd ever have a chance for a normal life?"

"That little girl's going to have a tough time, Grissom," Catherine said. She sat back in her chair, deep in thought, before she continued, "She'll probably feel completely out of place. If the laws work, she'll be up for adoption within the next couple of years, but it's possible the damage will already be done."

"She'll have to hear the whispers," Grissom murmured, then looked up when he realized he'd said that thought aloud.

"This isn't about the little girl, is it?" Catherine asked.

Shaking his head, Grissom said, "I just… can't talk about it, okay?"

She understood his meaning clear. He just couldn't talk to her, and she understood.

Catherine looked at her friend, and asked, "Is there someone you can talk to?"

When he looked past her toward the door, Catherine saw his smile widen with affection, and he said, "As a matter-of-fact, there is."

Standing, he waved April into the room.

"Catherine Willows, I'd like you to meet April Hunter."

On a deep breath, he continued, "April is married to Sara's brother."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Catherine," April said, standing next to Grissom's desk, where she leaned over and kissed his cheek.

Looking at him, April grinned. "Lunch?" she asked.

"Absolutely," he agreed, grabbing his jacket off his chair.

Taking a chance, April did something she figured she'd regret later, but thought Grissom needed. She extended the lunch invitation to Catherine.

"Would you care to join us?" April asked, and saw Catherine smile warmly.

While Catherine retrieved her things from the office, April snuck a glance at the frowning Grissom. From what she could tell, he appeared to be stuck between wanting to retract April's question, and acceptance that their private lunches were about to be interrupted.

Once settled in their usual booth, with Catherine now sitting next to Grissom, they ordered their food. Grissom felt awkward. He didn't want to ask April personal questions that might embarrass her in front of someone who was a virtual stranger. However, he really wanted to talk to April.

Watching him squirm around – restless – April chuckled, reached across the table, and placed her hand over his.

"It's okay to talk to me," she said. "I've learned long ago that not talking can do more damage. As a matter-of-fact, that's how Mike and I survived. We weren't unscathed, but we weren't hurt so bad we couldn't heal."

"How _did_ you heal?" he asked. "How did you find acceptance in each other?"

"The fact is, Mike and I had to learn the proper place for pride. It didn't need to be between us. We're both proud people – we have a right to be. However, letting it prevent us from moving forward as a family is destructive. So, we've learned to talk," April said. "We talk to each other, and we talk to our friends."

Looking at Catherine's puzzled expression, April gave her the short version of her husband's departure and subsequent return.

"I didn't tell you what happened when Mike came back," April said to Grissom, and sipped her water.

Her eyes dimming a bit, she reached back for the memories, and said, "He came by everyday to see his son. I wasn't about to deny either of them the connection. Each day when he left, he'd open his mouth to talk to me, but something always made him hold back. I could see in his eyes that he wanted his family back, but he didn't have the words, and I was so angry, I wasn't going to give them to him."

"Caleb's first birthday came up, and I asked Mike to come to dinner to celebrate," she said.

April's eyes lit a bit when she said, "We were standing in the middle of the kitchen. Our beautiful baby boy had just blown out his candle, and his fist had landed smack in the middle of the cake. He looked up at Mike and said 'daddy'. He'd never said that before."

"Mike walked out of the kitchen," she continued. "I thought he was leaving the house, but I followed him. I watched him walk into the baby's room, sit down in the rocker, and pick up the teddy bear."

"He wept," April whispered. "Suddenly the words came pouring out. Every ache, every pain, every injustice."

Tears pooling, she said, "He put aside his pride – his privacy – and gave me every inch of his soul."

"Over time," she continued, "he learned to give me the words more freely, because I demanded them. He learned to hug and hold more freely because his son demanded them."

Wiping her eyes, April smiled and said, "I learned to give him the words, because I wanted my family back. In some ways, I think I was worse than him – not telling him how hurt I felt, not letting him see the part of me he'd scared and scarred."

As she finished the telling, April's cell phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, she smiled softly, saying, "Speak of the devil."

"Hey, sweetheart," she breathed into the phone. "How is everything?"

April's laugh is what brought Grissom out of a daze.

"Yes, honey, I feel fine. The morning sickness is gone. I'm feeling the same as I did when I carried Sarabeth. I could be wrong, but I think you're going to have another little apple of your eye," she said.

Grissom grinned when he heard April giggle. It was a true giggle, like a school girl, and he would have never expected it out of someone so staid and solid.

When she whispered, "I love you too" breathlessly into the phone, and her cheeks stained pink, he felt a bit envious. At that very moment, he wished nothing more than to see Sara – hold her – talk to her.

Catherine had been sitting quietly, just listening and watching. The look on Grissom's face was heartbreaking – ache and need etched into every line.

April smiled at Grissom and said, "They finished the repairs a day early, so they drove the kids the two hours to the zoo. Apparently, Seth and Gabriel tried to find out if a zebra really is like a horse, so they climbed into the exhibit as soon as Aunt Sara turned her back on them. She had to crawl in after them. Unfortunately, Mike had a hard time trying to keep little Danny from trying to rescue his aunt 'Sawa'. Danny could've cared less about his brothers, but Sara is his best buddy."

Laughing, April said, "They're all heathens."

That comment made Grissom laugh in return, because he had a feeling April was referring to Mike and Sara, as well as the kids.

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	9. Chapter 9

A/N – Another chapter is up.

Disclaimer: It would go right here if I could think up a new one right now.

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April and Sara had run into town to pick up supplies, while Mike put the kids to work on cleaning up the house.

"I have a question I want to ask, but…" Sara started to say, but left off before shaking her head, and continuing to load the groceries into the back of the truck.

"You can ask me anything you want, Sara," April said, with an encouraging smile.

"How do you handle it?" she asked. "How do you handle the fact Mike left you and Caleb?"

"Ahhh… I wondered if he'd tell you about that," April said. "We worked for it. We still work for it."

The drive home was quiet, with Sara lost in thought, staring at the scenery. April would occasionally steal glances.

"I'm angry," Sara suddenly said.

"At what?"

Sara didn't answer, but continued to stare out the window. Finally, the brunette whispered, "I'm angry that I can't keep anything good."

Pulling off the side of the road, flaming mad, April slammed on the brakes, bringing the truck to a skidding halt. Turning to Sara, her face flamed, April lit into her.

"How dare you refer to our children as nothing good!" she yelled. "How dare you call our home nothing good! You have both forever. Our children adore you and we love having you with us, but if you can't see how much you're wanted, then you're plain stupid, and I don't use that word lightly."

With that, April put the truck in gear and made it home in record time.

Feeling miserable, Sara started walking, mindlessly.

Still furious, April went into the house, informed her husband that his sister was an idiot, and asked Caleb to put away the groceries.

Mike found April a few minutes later, sitting on their bed, fuming. He knew from the look on her face, something hadn't gone well. April rarely got angry, but she was really angry sitting there.

"Your sister's an idiot," she said. "I laid into her pretty good, Mike."

And April told him the conversation.

Sighing, April laid back against the pillows, and said, "I probably overreacted. I know I did. Somewhere along the line, she needs to start counting the blessings she's been given."

Closing her eyes, she finished, "I'm tired, and she's probably hurt. Go find your sister. Maybe she'll talk to you."

Twenty minutes later, unable to find Sara in the house, Mike mounted his horse and headed out into the fields. He had an idea where she would go – she liked to watch the horses graze. Eventually, he found her leaning against a tree, her knees curled against her chest. They gazed at the horizon, both watching as time passed slowly, and the sun began its descent.

"Been thinking?" Mike asked, when he looked at his sister.

"What I said was stupid," Sara replied. "April's right. I get to keep you. You have to keep me."

"No one knew about us," she said. "I didn't want anyone to know about our relationship."

"Why?" Mike asked, watching Sara's face, half hidden by shadows and long dark hair.

"As long as it was just us, we were equals," she said. "I think I understand that in myself now. I felt like his partner at home."

"What happened?" Mike asked. "What changed when people found out about the two of you?"

"I heard the whispers. I heard the rumors. I wasn't his partner anymore. I wasn't good enough anymore," she said, looking at Mike. "I'm walking behind him now – alone."

"The only one who can take that step forward again is you, Sara," Mike said.

The two of them fell into silence, as night descended, and they headed back the half mile to the house.

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NOTE: See the review button? I dare you to press it.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N – I know some of the chapters have been short, but it was necessary. Thanks to those who have been giving me review. I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer: CBS owns CSI. Period.

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After spending an entire shift with nothing but paperwork, Grissom felt fidgety. Repeatedly looking at the clock, he decided he'd had enough for the night. No cases were going to suddenly appear in the last twenty minutes. In fact, it had been one of those extremely rare nights when life in Las Vegas had been quiet – no dead bodies, no rapes, no B&E's – nothing had been reported.

Several days ago, he'd seen April off at the airport. She'd told him she wouldn't be coming back to see him again, but had promised to call. True to her word, she had. She'd told him that Sara was doing okay in one breath, and started swearing like a sailor in the next about her being a moron. He still didn't understand what happened, but under it all, it sounded like a family squabble.

Walking into the break room, he looked at the occupants – his team.

"Okay, guys. Why don't you cut out early?" he offered. "There's nothing going on."

Everyone looked up, surprised.

"Actually, Griss," Greg said. "We're meeting Jim at Frank's after shift, so… we have to wait around anyway."

Clearing her throat, Catherine offered, "Do you want to join us?"

Looking around the room, feeling that not-so-subtle restlessness that had been plaguing him for hours, he smiled, and said, "I'd love to."

After shift, they all sat in the oversized booth, trying to figure out their orders, and laughing over a joke Nick had told. With orders placed, the group fell quiet, until Warrick made a comment.

"You and Sara used to eat with us regularly," he said. "Then you just stopped."

Shaking his head, Nick laughed and responded with, "We should've figured _something_ was up with you two at that point."

"We were happy together," he murmured, staring at his coffee cup.

Surprised at the statement, the group fell quiet, everyone watching Grissom. When no one spoke, he looked up and realized he had become the focal point.

"I don't have words," he said, feeling helpless. "I know if I want my life back – my home back – I have to find them. I just can't… they're not where I…"

Frustrated, he ran his hand over his face, and took a sip of coffee. It was the last thing anyone had expected from him.

"Sometimes, it helps to just start talking," Catherine said.

"Okay," he replied softly.

Carefully placing his coffee cup on the table, he looked at the people around him.

"You brought Sara here from San Francisco to investigate me," Warrick said. "How did you know her before Las Vegas?"

Grinning, he remembered back to those curious eyes, and nervous young woman.

"I met her at a conference. She always sits in the front row at conferences," he said, the grin growing into a full blown smile.

"Is that why you asked her to come here?" Greg asked.

When Nick and Catherine started to object to the implications of the question, Grissom raised his hand to silence them.

"It's a fair question," Grissom informed them. It was a rumor he'd heard floating around the lab a lot after she'd been abducted.

"Sara is quite possibly the most rules-drive, disciplined person I've ever met. Sometimes, emotions can get in the way, but her results are always based on being methodical. She's always been like that. However, you never have to ask where she stands. I brought her here, because she wouldn't stop finding the answers I needed until she'd exhausted her resources," Grissom said to Greg.

Looking at Warrick, Grissom said, "You were in a place that could have hurt you, the lab, and this team. I needed someone I knew would be thorough after Holly died. I'd known her for a couple of years, and I'd seen her work before. I figured the best shot you had was her."

Their food arrived, and each got lost in thought while they ate.

"How do you really feel about her being gone?" Jim asked.

Putting down his fork, pushing his half-finished breakfast away from him, Grissom contemplated his answer. He knew what Jim was asking. However, every emotion Grissom had ever felt jumbled in, leaving nothing but…

"Confused," he answered, honestly, and softly whispered, "Lonely."

Uncomfortable in the silence that ensued, Grissom laid out enough cash to pay for everyone's breakfast, and rose.

"I'm sorry, I just can't seem to do this right now," he said, before walking out the door.

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	11. Chapter 11

A/N – Another day, another chapter. Please review.

Disclaimer: I'm too tired to care.

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When April walked into the kitchen, she saw the note on the refrigerator. She was reading it, when Mike came in and wrapped his arms around his wife.

"Sara left this," she said. "It looks like you're going to be without an assistant today."

Reading the note over her shoulder, Mike said, "Maybe a day out riding will help Sara clear her head a little."

A quick kiss later, Mike grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down at the table.

He said, "I think I might ride out there later today – just check on her."

"Let me," April offered. "She hasn't felt at ease with me since our argument. I think she's waiting for me lay into her again, and I think maybe she needs to get a dose of what this family is made of."

At noon, April packed up a lunch and loaded it into the truck. She knew the land as well as Mike, and knew the place Mike described. She found Sara sitting at the edge of the stream.

"Hey, Sara," April said. "I brought lunch for us."

Smiling, she approached the brunette, and took a seat.

Unpacking the food, April handed Sara a salad, and pulled out a sandwich for herself. While they ate, April snuck a couple glances. As she was about to say something – anything – to break the uneasy silence, Sara spoke.

"I'm sorry," she said. "You were right. What I said was stupid."

"It certainly was," April agreed, taking a bite of her sandwich.

She asked, "Do you feel safe here?"

"Yes," Sara replied, with a nod.

"Do you understand why?" April asked.

Sara stood and walked over to the fence and turned back to face April.

"You guys love me," she said, easy tears streaking down. "I knew Mike loved me, but you and the kids do, too."

"You're a sister to me," April said, walking over and taking Sara's hands. "You're my sister. We'll fight. We'll argue. I'll call you an idiot. You'll call me a bitch."

Her own tears threatening, April said, "Who knows… we'll probably call each other worse. We may not have come from the same place, but I'm your sister. And you're mine."

"Look at my track record," April continued. "I have stuck with Mike through thick and thin, regardless of his insecurities and his demons. We've struggled, some times have been harder than others, but we're in it for the long haul."

April wrapped her arms around Sara and held on. Time stood still for the moment, until Sara laughed, "I get to call you a bitch?"

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A/N – Please click the review button for me. Go ahead. You really really wanna.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N - Thanks to everyone for their reviews. This story has turned out to be a lot harder to write than I thought it would. So the feedback has been greatly appreciated.

Disclaimer: A denial or disavowel of legal claim (according to M-W Online).

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Three days after what he finally started terming his 'Gilbert Grissom, Mr. Unable to Communicate, Total Idiot Breakfast From Hell', he decided maybe to try it again. He'd been extremely busy at work since then, and thankfully not a lot of time to contemplate what had happened… until he got home and went to bed. Then he had nothing _but_ time to think about it. He really understood the need to talk, as he could feel everything building up, and once again the ache and cold set in full force.

Walking down the hall, shift almost over, Grissom ran into Catherine walking the other way.

"Hey, Cath," he greeted. "Did your case go okay?"

"Yeah," she said, then rolled her eyes and said, "The guy actually thought he needed to show his ID to rob the store. Talk about stupid."

"Ummm… do you want to go for coffee?" he asked.

Surprised at the invitation, she paused for a second, watching as Grissom started to fidget nervously.

Smiling, she said, "Sure. Let me go drop the file on my desk and grab my coat."

It wasn't long before they were at Frank's, sitting in a booth.

"How have you been doing?" Catherine asked.

"I'm fine," Grissom said, primarily out of habit, then blew out a long, long breath.

"That would be a total lie," he continued. "I pretty much feel like hell."

"Well…" is all Catherine could say, surprised.

Smirking, Grissom said, "That would pretty much describe my life right now."

"You're really getting into the open and honest thing, Gil," Catherine said, wryly.

"Not really," he said, somberly. "I can't manage to find the right words most of the time."

"You seem to be doing okay at the moment," she interjected.

Grissom just frowned into his coffee cup, as if seeing something hidden in the dark liquid. When he finally spoke, his voice had dropped, and she could barely hear him.

"You once told me I wasn't good with people," he sighed. "Turns out you're right."

He picked up his coffee and took a sip.

"Grissom, that was years ago. I've watched you change over time – become more aware of those around you."

"Especially in the last two years," Grissom added. "Sara sometimes points things out to me – reminds me to pay attention. Otherwise, I'm often oblivious."

"Now that you mention it," Catherine said, "You _have_ been more… sensitive to the happenings around you the last couple of years."

Grissom shrugged and said, "Sara always seemed to be able to see what was happening around the lab. I've started to see more on my own, but if I missed it, she'd be sure to point it out."

Silence met his statement and the frown returned, followed by that quick panic he always experienced when he thought about her abduction.

"She knew Natalie," he said. "She recognized her as part of the cleaning crew. Sara notices everyone around her, and always has time to spare to help them when they need it."

"My God," Catherine whispered.

"Did she talk much about the kidnapping?" she asked.

"A little, but not enough," Grissom said. "I didn't push it."

Sitting back in his chair, he continued, "I was so damn thankful to have her back safe, and she'd get upset if I brought it up."

"I can understand how the leaving here – getting away from the desert – could help her move beyond the kidnapping," Catherine said, thoughtfully.

"That's not the reason she left," Grissom said. "It was only the catalyst. If you were to base someone's age on their life experience, she'd be older than any of us. She's been through more than anybody on our team can imagine."

"If she's dealing with it, then maybe leaving was the best thing she could have done," Catherine said.

"She was afraid to fall apart in front of me," he murmured. "How am I supposed to feel about that?"

"I don't know, Gil," Catherine replied. "However, how far do the two of you think you would have gotten with whatever was bothering her standing between the two of you?"

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A/N - Okay... see the Review button? Repeat after me. I will click the button. I will click the button. I will click the button. I will click the button. I will click the button. I will click the button... :)


	13. Chapter 13

A/N – The last couple chapters were a bit of a struggle, but necessary. I actually really like the direction this chapter is taking me. Please review.

A/N 2 - There's a part that talks about entitlement towards the bottom. You'll know it when you read it. The concept is from a book called 'The Tragedy of Entitlement'. I love and agree with the concept, so decided to use it.

Disclaimer: The writers should be getting more money for the work they do on the show. Oops, that's not a disclaimer, is it.

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It was well before dawn, and Sara found herself in the expansive barn, rubbing a horse down. The rows and rows of stalls were filled, as the expecting mares were all being kept out of the cold winter air.

"Hey there, beauty," she murmured to the deep brown quarter horse.

Stroking her hand across the flank, then sweeping it across the back of the creature, Sara felt… peaceful.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Mike asked softly.

"You're a lucky man," Sara stated. "You've got a great home here, Mike."

Smiling, he agreed, "Oh, yeah. I know."

"You've got a home here, too, Sara," Mike told her. "You will always be welcome here."

"I know," she smiled to her brother. "I really know that."

"I hear a 'but' in your voice, kid," he said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Stepping out of the stall, Sara took her cup of coffee from Mike, walked over to a stack of hay and sat. Her brow furrowed in thought, and she stared into her coffee cup, trying to find the right words.

"You said sometimes you get pissed off no one cared about you when you were a kid," Sara said.

"I do, too," she added. "I get angry that somehow it was my fault my family was so screwed up. I am so mad I had to pay the price for everyone else."

"Good," Mike said. "You and I have every right to get angry. We were never given a chance to be happy."

"I don't know how to get past the anger," Sara said. "I don't know how to burn it away."

Mike chuckled when he moved to stand directly in front of his sister.

"You still haven't figured it out, have you?" he asked. "You haven't figured out the real key to it all."

"You're right," Sara responded on a sigh. "I am missing something. I'm good at puzzles, but I can't seem to find all the parts. I can't see the whole picture."

"Then let me give you a piece of that puzzle. Maybe it will help things fall into place," Mike said.

"Sara, happiness is not an automatic gift. It's not an expectation. You are not _entitled _to happiness. You have the ability to become happy. It's a choice – one you have to make." Mike paused for a moment to watch his sister's eyes sharpen.

Then he asked, "How far out of your comfort zone are you willing to go to be happy with Grissom?"

When he saw her eyes flare at the name, he knew he'd hit the bulls-eye. Smiling softly, he headed out of the barn to the house… to his wife and kids.

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A/N – It worked so well last time, I'm going to try it again. (You are not seeing this. This is in your subconscious. You will now hit the review button, because your subconscious demands it. Now. Hit the review button.)


	14. Chapter 14

A/N - Thanks to everyone for reviewing. I appreciate it, as I delve into what makes up a relationship. Here's another chapter. Please review.

Disclaimer: To busy to come to the phone. Leave a disclaimer at the beep.

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That last question had bothered Grissom more than he was willing to admit. What _should_ he feel that Sara was afraid to fall apart in front of him? She didn't exactly explain _why_ she was afraid. It ended up begging one particular question.

Grissom had decided to have breakfast with the team yesterday, and it had turned out to be relaxing – no one asked questions, and no one looked at him oddly. It was a nice change. However, sitting in a booth with Catherine and Nick, he couldn't contain that one question anymore.

"Does she really trust me?" Grissom asked.

Nick and Catherine looked at each other, then at him.

"If she trusted me, why would it bother her to – and I quote – self-destruct – in front of me?" Grissom asked. "And why the hell would she hide what she was feeling from me?"

Frowning, Nick thought about the questions. He wasn't privy to Catherine's conversation with Grissom. While Nick knew on one level that Sara's past had some dark parts to it, he had no idea how dark it had been. His insight only came from watching her reactions to cases - and her eventual departure.

Catherine finally said, "You told me that she notices everything about everyone around her… that she sees what everyone else needs. Are you sure it's a matter of trust? Or is it a matter of being so used to no one ever noticing _her_ that she doesn't know how to ask?"

"It's probably a matter of both," Nick interjected. "I don't know a lot about where Sara came from, but it seems she's always _fine_ even when she's not. I'm not sure she's ever trusted any of us to say how she was really feeling."

"Tell me, Nick," Catherine said softly, "How many people know what happened to _you _when you were a kid?"

His eyes narrowing, Nick opened his mouth to say something sharp to Catherine, frowned, and then closed it again. He sat back in his chair with a sigh.

"You're right," he said.

"She should've trusted me," Grissom muttered.

"Let me ask you this," Catherine started. "I saw the look in your eyes out in the desert – the fear on your face when we found the hiker. You weren't unscathed. Did you ever tell her how _you_ were affected?"

Grissom contemplated his hands while he said, "No. I was…"

"What?" Catherine asked.

"I was terrified," Grissom whispered. "When I close my eyes, I see her under the car. I can't seem to breathe. My lungs feel like they're filled with sand."

"You're having nightmares?" Nick asked.

"Frequently," he responded. "I never told her how I felt."

"Then where was _your_ trust?" Nick said.

Grissom blew out a long breath before he finally said, "Probably the same place Sara's is – stuck in a quagmire of insecurities."

"Do you have any idea what you're going to do about it?" Catherine asked.

"Not yet," Grissom replied. "But I've got a better idea than when she left."

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A/N - Do you see the little review button? It's your friend. Please press your little friend. It makes it happy.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N – Thank you everyone for the reviews. I hope you've enjoyed the journey so far.

Disclaimer: ia;grhawei;ha;ghaeiawie;gage;g. (My dog wrote it today)

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Sara found herself once again sitting on the front porch, watching the darkness of pre-dawn turn to that lighter shade of midnight, as the day prepared to wake itself.

Walking out with a cup of coffee, Mike sat down next to her, and stared off into the horizon. He didn't have to wait long.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," Sara informed him.

"Okay," Mike said.

"You've shown me a home," she said. "You've _given_ me a home, but it's not mine."

"Do you know where your home is?" he asked.

Smiling softly, she closed her eyes and saw blue eyes and said, "Yeah."

"It won't be easy," he said.

"Gee, Mike… why don't you tell me how you feel," Sara laughed.

Mike smiled at his sister and took stock of the changes in her. She seemed… stronger and more self-assured. The shadows under her eyes had fled, leaving a sparkle in those brown eyes he wasn't sure he'd ever seen.

"Have you figured out what your ghosts are?" he asked.

A smile on her face, Sara took a sip of her coffee, and nodded once.

"I'm my own ghost," she said, softly.

"You figured it out a heck of a lot faster than I did," he responded, wryly. "It took me six months to get to that point, and a lot longer than that to get to the point I could talk about it."

"You were on your own," Sara replied. "I haven't been. I've had a family to help me."

"What're you going to do when you get there?" Mike asked.

Sighing, she said, "I have no idea. Play it by ear."

They both sank into silence – Mike worrying about his sister getting hurt, and Sara thinking of all the things she needed to do and say when she got home.

"I need to tell him he made me angry," Sara quietly said. "I would see him watching me, and I could see something in his eyes. He wouldn't say anything. He'd act like everything was okay. By the time he _did_ ask me if I was okay, I didn't know what to say anymore."

"Think he's likely to say the same thing to you?" Mike asked.

Barking out a laugh, Sara said, "Probably."

"I need to tell him I love to take walks with him," she said. "I've never just told him that I love taking the dog for a long walk with him."

"What else?" Mike asked.

"I need to tell him I'm not putting myself last anymore. Sometimes his bugs can take a backseat," she said, frowning. "We need to talk. He needs to talk to me."

Sara sat back and took a sip of her coffee, her brother studying her.

"It sounds like you've put a great deal of thought into it," he stated.

Laughing, Sara looked at her brother with a grin and said, "Smart ass. You put half the thoughts into my head to begin with."

Becoming serious, he said, "You know if you need us, we're here."

"Yes," she replied, her eyes misting, now that it was sinking in that she'd be leaving soon.

"You've got a shot at happiness, Sara. Don't blow it."

As Mike stood and walked into the house, Sara chuckled. Her brother was nothing if not blunt.

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A/N – Okay… if my dog can figure out how to write a disclaimer, you can figure out the review button.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N – Okay, here's a conversation that has needed to happen for awhile.

Disclaimer: Coffee is my friend. Without coffee, I would forget I don't own these characters. This disclaimer makes sense after the fourth pot of coffee, doesn't it?

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Shift was almost over, and Gil Grissom was about to leave when his phone rang.

"Grissom," he answered, to be met by silence.

"Gil," her voice finally breathed, "Hey."

Sitting back in his chair, Grissom gripped the phone tighter.

"Hi Sara."

Time ticked by on the clock in silence, the only trace of sound faint breathing on both ends of the phone. Seconds turned into nearly a minute of excruciating quiet. Finally, one of them spoke.

"I have so much to say," Sara began. "I don't know where to start."

"I do," he whispered. "I miss you."

Sighing, she murmured back, "I miss you too."

"I need us to be okay," she told him. "I want us to be okay, because I want to come home."

"Honey, I want that more than anything," he said, then looked up to find Catherine in the doorway. Signaling her to enter, she walked in and mouthed 'Sara?' to receive a nod from Grissom.

"I haven't really talked to you," he continued. "I haven't really told you what it's felt like – after the desert. You haven't talked to me, either."

"I know, Gil," she sighed. "I didn't know what to say. I felt fragile and tired. So much of me felt like a shattered piece of glass, waiting to blow apart, and I didn't know what to do anymore."

Listening to Gil's side of the conversation confirmed that maybe he was on the right path, but also made Catherine uncomfortable. Dropping the files on his desk, she waved to him and let herself out, closing his office door.

"You hurt me," he whispered. "You said you had a home with me, but it felt like you took away _my_ home when you left."

When he heard the slight catch of her breath, he knew she was trying to muffle the tears.

"I was afraid to tell you how bad it had gotten," she finally said in a watery voice. "Sometimes I feel like you override me with what you think is best for me. I've always allowed it to happen."

"Is that why you went behind me to get switched to swing shift?" he asked, that particular action suddenly making sense.

"You made a unilateral decision. There was no discussion, except you informing me what was going to happen," she replied. "Sometimes you think I need to be handled instead of asked."

"I'm sorry," he quietly replied.

"I want to come home to you and our life," Sara said, her voice stronger. "It has to be different, though. We can't be afraid of each other anymore."

"We can work on all of this, Sara," Grissom said. "I'll work on talking to you. I need to if we're going to work this out."

"I won't be 'handled'," she informed him. "If I fall apart, I don't want you to fix me. I want to fall apart in front of you and just be held."

"I'd give anything to be able to hold you," he murmured. "You need to tell me a little more clearly what you need. You can't just say you're _fine_ when you're not. It's frustrating when I can't get you to just say, 'I'm angry' or 'I'm sad'."

"Okay," Sara said. "Let me start with – Gil, I'm angry. I'm sad. Life hasn't been all that fair or kind to me."

When he started to speak, she interrupted, "No. Let me finish. Things haven't been fair or kind to _us_. But we've been happy. You and I, and our dog. We make up a family. I'll always have a piece of me that gets angry. I'm okay with that."

Grissom sat back in his chair and let her words sink in.

"I think I understand, Sara. Let me tell you this. I'm angry and sad that you left me with only a note. When you left… it hurt in a way I never thought imaginable."

"I'm so sorry," she gently whispered. "I couldn't figure out any other way. I couldn't seem to shake off the feeling I was being followed around by all these shadows. I did something stupid, instead – I ran."

Sara would have continued, but Grissom interjected, "I love you."

Those tears that seemed so close to the surface anymore spilled over once again, and she said, "You've always shown me. You've said it in roundabout ways. I never realized how much I needed to hear it."

"You'll hear it every day I'm alive," he said. "I wanted so much to give you eloquent words… because I could never figure out how to say what I feel about you. About us."

"I don't need eloquent words," Sara replied. "I just need yours – simple and honest."

The couple sat there in silence, just satisfied to hear each other breathe, and think about the potential.

Finally, Sara said, "I'm your partner, Gil. At work, you were my supervisor. I couldn't be your equal – at home, we shared our life. I can't go back to a life where half of my time is split between being beside you and the other being behind you."

"Sara, I've always wanted you with me," Grissom replied. "I had no idea you felt this way."

"It's my own insecurities," Sara told him. "I've allowed it to happen, because I've been afraid to demand my place."

In a tight whisper, she finished, "I was afraid you would leave me."

The silence that followed that statement gave way to Grissom's laughter, and he had to put his forehead to his desk to take several deep breaths.

"Gil? What's going on?" she asked, worried and frowning.

"God, Sara. I didn't want to do anything to upset you, because I was afraid _you'd_ leave _me_," he finally said. "You can see how messed up my thought process is, because you _did_ leave."

"But Gil… I never intended to leave _you_. I just needed to leave that place," she explained.

"I think I understand that now," he said. "Can you please come home?"

"I'll be there tomorrow afternoon."

By the time they hung up, Grissom was smiling. With the flight information in hand, he headed home to take Hank for a walk and to get some much needed sleep.

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A/N – Have a cup of java, click the button and review. If you have three shots of espresso, your mouse button can be clicked at light speed, and you can review many many times. Have a few shots of espresso. Try it. It's fun.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N – The reunion's not quite here yet. Be patient. In the meanwhile, review.

Disclaimer: Does anyone even read these things?

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They decided to make it a whole family ordeal. The over-sized van was packed, with Mike driving and April in the passenger seat. Sara had insisted in sitting back with the kids, as she knew it would be awhile before she saw them again.

A book open on her lap, Sara sat between Danny and Sarabeth, with Caleb, Seth, and Gabriel trying to lean as far forward to see over her shoulder. She was going to miss reading to Danny.

"They lived happily ever after," Sara said on a sigh, and shut the book. It had been timed perfectly, as Mike pulled up to the curb outside her airline in Departures.

Getting out of the vehicle, the youngest immediately put his arms up and said, 'Aunt Sawa.' Her direct response was to pick him up and nuzzle his neck until he giggled. Handing him to Mike, Sara immediately hugged the imps Seth and Gabriel to her.

"Please don't try to break anymore horses, guys," she whispered. "Your dad's heart can't take it." She figured that message was lost, when they just grinned – that tell-tale look in their eyes.

Next, she hugged Sarabeth.

"I'll send those books as soon as I get home, sweety," she said, and watched the young girl smile shyly.

Leaning down, Sara whispered, "I'm proud I was one of the people you were named after." Sara was given the gift of seeing Sarabeth's cheeks turn pink with pleasure, before she straightened and approached Caleb, who stood a little ways off.

Pulling him farther away from the others, she sat on a bench and patted it for him to sit, as well.

"Do you know what I see when I look at you?" she asked him.

Trying to be a brave teenager, and not let the misting eyes turn to tears, he just shook his head.

"I see the best of your father. You've been given a gift, the way you handle animals. I see the passion for it in your eyes when you're with the horses," she said. Taking his hand in hers, she continued, "Just remember to go to parties and have something outside of the farm, too."

Caleb's voice cracked when he asked, "Are we going to see you again?"

Laughing lightly, Sara responded, "You can't get rid of me very easy, Caleb. It may be awhile, but you'll see me."

Standing, she pulled her oldest nephew to her and said, "Always remember – we're family. We stick together, even if we don't live close together."

Once the bags had been checked at the curb, Sara turned to Mike and April.

"Thank you both for giving me a haven," she quietly murmured.

Hugging April, she said, "I am grateful you're my sister." With a quick squeeze, April released Sara, and started to herd the kids towards the van.

For just a moment, Sara and Mike stood together as everything faded into the background.

"When you showed up, I didn't know what to think," Mike said. "It seems like we've been out of synch for a long time – just quick visits every few years. Thanks for coming to me."

"I didn't realize what I had," Sara whispered, as her brother's arms wrapped around her. Leaning her head on her shoulder, she let the tears fall. "I'll miss you, Mike."

Realizing if she didn't just leave, she'd never catch the flight, she pulled back, smiled, pat her brother on the cheek, and walked toward security, without looking back.

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A/N – If the stomach flu can't keep me down, then you can at least hit the review button.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N – Here is the last installment of the story. Thanks to those who have hung in there. I really appreciate. Please review.

Disclaimer: CSI on CBS is nothing like Chuck on NBC. Just had to point that out. Of course, I don't own either, so….

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For about thirty seconds, Grissom had thought about taking the night off. However, he knew well enough that he wasn't about to get anything done at home, and would probably spend all of his time pacing through the house. At least going into work, there was a decent chance he'd be busy all day.

Lucky for him, he pulled a case that required his and Greg's full attention in disassembling a car in the garage.

When Sara walked through the entrance of her former place of employment, the first person to greet her was Judy.

"Welcome back, Sara!" the receptionist greeted her, as she made her way down the hall towards Grissom's office.

The second person she ran into was Nick, who just looked at her, grinned, and picked her up.

Laughing, he said, "Welcome back, sweetheart," before dropping her back to her feet and escorting her towards her destination. Sara was just thankful Nick didn't ask any questions, because the closer they got to Grissom's office, the more nervous she became. At that particular moment, Sara wasn't sure she could've formed an intelligent sentence.

Peeking her head in, she discovered Grissom's domain empty, and looked at Nick, who just shrugged.

"Greg, the next time I say drain the oil pan, _please_ refrain from emptying it all over _me_," Grissom growled, wiping the worst of the offending substance from his face with his arm.

She knew the minute he rounded the corner… and stopped.

Wearing a blue LVPD Forensics jumpsuit, he was covered in grease. It was all over his face, coated across the jumpsuit, and even his normally tan shoes took on a smudged black overtone. In her view, he was… perfect.

"Hey, you're back," Grissom says weakly, a slight grin on his face, all the time thinking, _did I miss something? Her plane lands hours from now._

"Yeah," Sara said, grinning back

When she took a step forward, he took a step back, very aware of being covered in the black goo.

"I… uhm… I've been…" he barely breathed out.

"Working on a car?" she asked, taking a step forward, while he took a step back.

"Yeah," he said, both of them now grinning, ear to ear.

"Hold it," Grissom said, suddenly frowning. "I'm supposed to pick you up in six hours."

"Okay," she said, laughing.

Turning to Nick, she said, "My original flight lands in six hours. Apparently I'm supposed to wait at the airport."

"Would you take me to the airport, Nick?" she asked, outright laughing.

As she started to pass by Grissom, dragging Nick in her wake, she leaned in and said, "You actually look pretty cute covered in motor oil, Gil."

When his hand reached out, spun her around, and his lips crushed hers, she knew she'd said the right thing. Burying his hands in her hair, he deepened the kiss, feeling her lips part just enough to allow him access. When her hand touched his face, a jolt moved through him and he pulled her other arm around his waist, forcing her closer to him – molding her to him.

When she tasted the sweetness of the chocolate he must've consumed earlier, the whimper that escaped made him move a hand down to her ribs, and run it across her back, pulling her tighter into him. It wasn't until several minutes later when they came up for air that Grissom saw the damage he'd done.

Her pale blue sweater, tan pants, face… everything had a great deal of transfer from him to her.

Chuckling, she closed her eyes, leaned her face against his neck, and breathed, "We're both a mess… aren't we, Gil."

Closing his eyes, and leaning his face down into her hair, he whispered, "Yeah."

For the longest time, they simply held onto one another, eyes closed, relishing the familiar feeling of body pressed to body. Faintly in the background, Grissom heard Nick and Catherine tell people to get back to work.

"Hey Gil? Guess what. I caught an earlier flight," she whispered, grinning

Chuckling, he lowered his head and led her into another soul-searing kiss.

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A/N – Thanks to everyone who has read the story and given me some feedback. Just one last time… let's hit that Review button at the bottom and make my day.


	19. Epilogue

A/N – Okay, I couldn't resist. I'm sorry. It's just a fluffy bit of humor from a true math geek (If you look at my bio, you'll understand better).

Disclaimer: I give up.

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EPILOGUE

When Sara and Grissom arrived home, it was to the delight of a dog that had missed Sara so much, he promptly peed on her luggage. Laughing at the entire incident, they scrubbed out the bag, and dumped all the clothes into the washing machine before snuggling up on the couch.

They'd been talking for hours, relaxed.

"I'm afraid you'll leave me," Sara stated. "Put that under me."

"I'm afraid _you'll_ leave _me_," Grissom replied. "I guess I put that under me, too."

"While sex is wonderful with you, sometimes we use it to replace actual talking," Gil said. "I'll put that under both of us."

"I know I don't often show you romance," Sara said. "People would be surprised at how romantic you often are – sending me gifts, bringing flowers…"

"Put that one under me. I need to be more romantic," she concluded.

"I don't say the words you need to hear," he said, "I'll put down to tell you I love you more often under me."

It wasn't until late that night that they finished walking through every ache and every insecurity they'd ever felt.

Years later, going through some old boxes in the attic, Catherine and Sara would find it and laugh for weeks.

Sara and Gil Grissom had built their future on a complex matrix of communication – and somewhere along the way had figured out how to use theoretical mathematics to do it. More specifically, they used matrix optimization techniques to maximize their probability of success.

Whatever works.

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A/N – Please, please, please review. I know it's a bit of fluff, but even fluff deserves a little love.


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